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Good Girl Goes to Therapy: I Thought I Was Going for Maintenance
What happens when the “good girl” realizes she can’t pass therapy? Did I mention I found a therapist? Yes. Life coaching and therapy happening side by side.Because apparently I’m the kind of high-achiever who tries to optimise her unravelling too. This was my first therapy session, and I thought I was just going in for…
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No Crystal Heart: My First Women’s Retreat Experience
What happens when your nervous system refuses to soften in a room full of women trying to heal. The day arrives quietly. It’s the morning of my first women’s retreat, and my nervous system is already bracing. I almost forgot about it, which means I didn’t have time to back out. I tend to live…
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Being Seen, Gently: My First Life Coaching Session
What happened when someone stopped trying to fix me and started listening. I had the consultation in my car.I wanted privacy.If I was going to spill my heart out, I didn’t want walls listening. The data is patchy.Her face freezes mid-sentence.The audio lags. It’s already hard to say vulnerable things. It’s harder when you’re not…
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Healing Culture: When Personal Growth Feels Compulsory
What happens when self-improvement becomes a social expectation. In California, everyone seems to be figuring something out. Coffee shop conversations get personal.Hikes turn into nervous system check-ins.New people I meet have a podcast, a process, someone they swear by. It feels like everyone here is doing some kind of self-work. It’s unfamiliar.I’m trying to soak…
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High-Functioning Nausea: Burnout and Emotional Numbness
What it feels like when productivity replaces presence. Nature.People.Sunshine.Movement. California is still beautiful.I know that. But I’m not responding to any of it. I went whale watching because it’s an epic thing to do here.The water was choppy. I sat at the front, convinced I’d be fine. Fifteen minutes later, I wasn’t. I spent the…
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The First Dive: Asking for Help After Trauma
Healing begins where self-reliance starts to crack. I’m not used to slowing down. Listening to podcasts. Reading. Breathing on purpose.Meditating. Journaling. All of it feels new. Slightly unnatural.Like trying on someone else’s habits. Growing up, most things were functional.We maximised productivity. Optimised time. Streamlined processes. Even reading was functional.You read for exams. You read the…
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Rupture: Emotional Release During Yin Yoga
When stillness cracked something open and my body remembered what it had been holding for years. My gym offers a bunch of classes.Different kinds of yoga too.I assumed if it was free, it couldn’t be serious. Yin.No idea what that meant, but I signed up. It was a noon class.Mostly retirees. I walked in late…
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Rag Doll: People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response
On obedience as protection. “You’re my perfect daughter.” She said it in kindergarten.I carried it like a prophecy. Straight A’s. Class monitor. Polite friends.A gold-star girl, smiling on cue. At first, it felt like love.Later, it felt like a cage. Under the stickers and praise,I wasn’t thriving. I was performing. Her life was heavy.So I…
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Between Labels: Growing Up With a Mixed Identity
On being understood in fragments. Humans love labels.They make things easier.To know where a person begins and ends.To decide what to expect. I’ve always complicated the categories.Whether that was imposed on me,or a shape I learned to take,I’m not entirely sure.It just kept happening. One of my earliest memories: primary school.My Chinese teacher studies my…
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The Checklist: Burnout from Overachieving
When doing everything right feels wrong. I used to love checklists.I loved the certainty of them.The way a tick could turn effort into proof. I’d been trained for this long before spreadsheets, learning silence as a performer. Master’s degree: done.Job title: presentable.Promotion: done.Visas in different countries: approved.LinkedIn summary: glowing. On paper, I was doing everything…
exploring mimi
becoming, still